There are defining moments in a person’s life, we all know that. More importantly, there are defining moments in the life of a child that shape who they are…forever. My parents raised my sisters and me to be avid readers and love books. It wasn’t a suggestion; it was a way of life. For that gift, I am and will be eternally grateful. We are still avid readers and we still love books.

We grew up in the sixties and seventies and didn’t have the technologies that have become fixtures in our current lives. We had three television channels and one telephone…oh, the horror! What would today’s kids do with that?! I hope the same thing that we did. We made our own movies, our own fun, and used this thing called an imagination. Much of what we did came from something we read in a book. Yes, a book!

When we were very young, I can remember getting to go to the newly built Public Library in our community. My mom took the three of us and we were so excited. I remember getting to go to the counter where the librarian handed me a card with my name on it-wow, my very own library card! I got to check out my stack of books and use my card. I felt so proud and so big! My sisters had their stacks and off we went anxiously waiting to get home to our books and read. It’s funny, but I can still remember the smell of that library and how intently I watched the librarian stamp the return date on the card. The whole idea of the library was a thrill!

But…it didn’t stop there! We didn’t get to read just what we wanted; we also had to read something else. My dad came home with the evening newspaper and we were expected to read current events to gain an understanding of what was going on in the world around us. So, we became familiar with news, sports, arts, entertainment, and human interest stories. I didn’t realize it then but my parents were trying to create three well-rounded daughters who were also well-versed in many areas and it was done through being well-read. I appreciate the atmosphere of learning that my parents created for us…we carried on the tradition with our kids too.

I’m not saying that reading is the only thing that shapes a child but it does open one’s eyes to the world created by others through words. Words are important! God spoke the world into existence by using words. Words area creative force and can be used to harm or heal; build or tear down.

Words create a visual. If someone says newspaper, I can envision my parents reading and their three girls sprawled out on the living room floor reading too. Someone can say a word and a memory surfaces and evokes emotion. I can hear the words hot bread and immediately picture my Grandma’s kitchen table covered with her fresh baked rolls and I can even remember the smell. Words can even stimulate our senses-they are that powerful.

God gave us words and He also gave us a book. The Bible is our book, our standard, our history, and our hope. Where would we be without it and most importantly, who would we be without it? This book explains our yesterday, graces our today and hopes for our tomorrow. It gives us an experience no other book can…it doesn’t have an ending! No book can promise a forever or a real “happily ever after”. No author has written that story and no library has housed that copy. There is only one… one story, one Savior, one Cross, and one love…all in just one book.

I can remember three special books that my sisters and I carried every Sunday. Mine was white leather and it zipped with a cross and had my name on the front cover in gold. I remember how I felt when I got that book. It felt different than when I got that library card. What I got at the library was good stories but what I got from that little white Bible was the story and… there was no return date stamped on the card.

If you follow us on any social media, you’ve already seen photos along with a joyful proclamation describing the miracle of a certain cheeseburger. I’m sure many people don’t get why a cheeseburger would be such a big deal.

When our son was diagnosed with Asperger’s, (a high-functioning form of autism) foods became a huge issue. In autism, the sensory system is often compromised. If you think about it, eating involves every one of our senses. Sensory Integration Disorder often comes along with an autism diagnosis which is where the senses operate at a heightened level causing discomfort and over-sensitivity.

Eating becomes very difficult for various reasons which I’ll not attempt to detail. Our son has basically eaten the same 10-15 foods for twenty years. We’ve tried everything that every doctor, specialist, book, therapist, nutritionist and expert has suggested. We’ve prayed, fasted, sown seed, spoken and stood on scripture. We’ve had small breakthroughs and big ones and given God the glory. However, one thing Austin always wanted to eat was a cheeseburger. We would sit with him so many times and give it a try. He would cry, we would try not to cry and not get discouraged…honestly, I would anyway. It was just plain hard-I don’t know any other way to describe such a scene.

Can you imagine eating the same foods every day? I can’t count the days he’d cry or get upset saying, “I just can’t stand the thought of the same food again today.” As a parent, this would break my heart…I couldn’t fix this or make it better and that was my job! In total honesty, every time I’d pack his lunch, I would make a faith confession-“Thank you Lord that the day will come when Austin will eat this because he wants to not because he has to-he has many and varied choices of foods, IN JESUS NAME!” I know God works His word but we have to as well. He is called “Faithful and True” for a reason!

Well, as the story goes…we were driving to Target the other day. On the way, I suggested we try stopping for lunch and having a cheeseburger. We had a discussion about it and he agreed to go after we finished at the store. I can’t tell you the quiet praying that I did in the aisles of Target!

We went to the restaurant, ordered and then it happened…he ate that cheeseburger and loved it! It was a breakthrough of breakthroughs! He’s described the smells, textures, sights, sounds, and tastes of foods in detail. Sometimes, he said foods felt like glass or sand…think about that! We eat and decide what we like and nothing in our being dictates our choice but us and nothing else.

So a cheeseburger is not such a big deal to most but to us it’s right up there with the Jesus feeding the five thousand! He did miracles then and He still does…we just can’t give up even if it takes years. I may not understand but faith doesn’t need a reason…it just speaks the answer!

Faith is knowing God, knowing He's ALWAYS faithful and I have the cheeseburger to prove it!

It feels odd to get back to life when it looks unrecognizable. After the death of someone or a significant loss, how can we get back to “usual” when “usual” doesn’t exist anymore? There is this empty space where a person belonged and everything that went along with them. That void takes your heart to the pit of your stomach at the very thought of their absence. Life is supposed to go on but it feels like it does so in slow motion.

There are stages to grief and I’ve read about them and gone through them, but I think it’s personal; different for each individual. I really don’t feel that psychology got the science down to five stages and that’s it. I also don’t agree with people who say that grief is an enemy and should be rebuked like the common cold. I know that grief, left unchecked and uncommitted into the healing hands of our Savior, can become a problem that shows up in many other ways. Nonetheless, the scriptures give us permission to have a season to grieve.

We are humans that hurt; we feel pain. If we can’t feel pain ourselves then we can’t feel it for others. God knew what separation felt like and made provisions for us to have a time of mourning (Ecclesiastes 3:1-4). We have permission! We can reflect, remember, and feel all our feelings and yet, are in the recuperative company of the Comforter when we do so…we are never alone even when we feel like we are.

In 2 Samuel 12:23, David said something that was and is so significant. After the death of his son, he returned from the tabernacle where he’d worshiped the Lord. He told his aides, who were amazed by his resolve, this enduring truth regarding the loss of his son, “I shall go to him, he shall not return to me.”

One might ask, how could someone worship God after the death of their baby? I believe David was thanking God that his sins were forgiven and that he had the hope of heaven and would see his son again. That is something to think about! What a hope we have…and that hope WILL be a reality! This life is but a moment but eternity is FOREVER!

God’s word is tethered to our hearts in times like these…we just have to tug! I can hurt but also proclaim, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5). I can also feel afraid…yes, I said it!

C.S. Lewis wrote, what I believe is a definitive work on the subject of grief in, “A Grief Observed.” It was written after the loss of his beloved wife and reminds me of a psalm in its painful honesty and moments of questioning. He said, “No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear.” The uncertainty of life changing so drastically, after loss, is frightening; the fear of an unplanned future that suddenly visited us is daunting.

However, fear is one of God’s specialties! Just the faith of a mustard seed can know He holds tomorrow and today and the next five minutes we don’t think we can even breathe through. Jesus was called, “The Man of Sorrows.” He was well-acquainted with grief and our sorrows cannot compare. But, His love answered the distant cries of our hurting hearts and He bore it all on the Cross…He didn’t have to but He did it anyway. In our hardest moments, we can look to Him and that undeniable love and know He will give us “beauty for ashes” and “that He heals the brokenhearted.”

What God gives in this life cannot be described, much less comprehended. But it doesn’t end here… so we can’t act like it does. I have - I admit it! In my life, there have been those moments where I felt like I couldn’t take another breath…but I did and I wasn’t breathing alone.

"Peace I leave with you: my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:27

I want to thank all of you for your support during these last weeks of difficulty-I guess I don’t know what else to call it. The end of life for someone is simply hard to watch and hard to endure. My next post addresses the subject of grief and the challenges of going on in the face of it. I put a few other posts on hold to discuss this life experience. It seemed more appropriate anyway.

I’m actually writing this on a plane as we travel back home. We took a few days away to just be before the Lord and be with each other. It was a working trip with some free moments attached to it. All I can say is… prayers were felt! I thank you deeply for your kind words of encouragement and the prayers that have strengthened us each and every day.

It is a wonderful thing to be part of God’s family where people genuinely care. Compassion is an outgrowth of love and we have been the blessed beneficiaries of both.

We now have the task of settling back in to normal life that feels very abnormal now. God is ever-present and has been the loving Father we know Him to be. However, we are still in “that place” and I’ll talk about it more in the post to come.

While we were gone, I watched the beautiful, vast ocean one afternoon. I became fascinated by the surfers. They are a patient group! They sat on their boards, in the still water, for long periods of time just waiting and watching. They were looking for the direction of the waves to swim towards and ride. Most of them could catch that wave and ride it all the way to the shore and then, go right back out again.

I thought a lot about grief being so much like that. Things are still and quiet and then a wave of emotion comes and I know I can either drown in it or ride to shore where it’s safe. However, being patient through the process is important…there is a time to mourn. But, there is always a safe place…always.

Thank you so much, once again! I love you all and pray that the God of all Grace meets you at the point of your need for He is our FAITHFUL SUPPLY!